Reviewing beers can be a dangerous, yet thrilling occupation. Separated for months on end from friends and family, living under a constant threat. Moments of sheer boredom are interspersed with extreme exhilaration….. um, wait a minute, that’s being a soldier.
Reviewing beers does have it’s dangers though, there’s always the chance that you’ll experience situations so terrible, you’ll wonder if you can face another day on this Earth.
Which brings me neatly to the subject of this review, MICHELOB ULTRA.
I was under no illusions that sampling this beer was going to be anything other than an ordeal, but someone’s got to do it. I know, you’re wondering why I bothered. Well, after downing some of this, I’m wondering that myself.
Truth be told, I had read a review on this very site and the next day noticed that this beer was available in Asda at a knock-down price of 3.19 for four 275ml bottles.
So, with a never-say-die attitude and a spirit of adventure, I plopped that 4-pack on the check-out. They wouldn’t sell me the attitude or the spirit, so I went home with just the beer.
And so it came to be, that I found myself sampling a bottle of MICHELOB UTRA with a slight feeling of dread and a large slice of trepidation (pizza might have been a better idea).
How bad could it be?
MOCHELOB ULTRA pours a very pale, almost clear colour with only the faintest suggestion of a wish-washy yellow to distinguish it from water. It’s very fizzy, with lots of rising bubbles, but these don’t form much of a head at all – more of a surface film. Needless to say, lace is non-existent.
The aroma is adjunct-laden. This stuff smells of cheap ingredients – things like corn, husk and cooked vegetables.
It’s watery and thin, with practically no taste whatsoever. There’s a faint, malt-like note and if I screw my face up and imagine really, really hard, I can almost sense a faint hoppy tang that gives this drink a modicum of semblance to beer. Again, cooked vegetables and corn husk are evident on the palate. It finishes a little dry with no aftertaste…not even a bad one.
At 4.2% ABV, this beer is so light, it’s like drinking air – though slightly less tasty. This isn’t beer, it’s a gimmick pandering to the latest fad diet that suggests not eating carbohydrates is somehow a good idea. To be fair, the bottle it comes in looks like a beer bottle, and I’ve heard it’s actually manufactured in a brewery, but that’s where any similarity ends.
If you’re a fan of Bud Lite or Miller Lite, then you might appreciate this stuff. Even then, I doubt it very much. This is a beer for people who don’t like the taste of beer but want to give off that air of urbane sophistication that many beer-drinkers exude (well, this one, at least). But I’d suggest that if you don’t like the flavour of beer, drink something else. And if you’re trying to lose weight, instead of consuming the 96 calories and 2.9g of carbohydrates from this muck, don’t drink anything, just take a deep breath. Less calories and much, much more flavour.
Michelob, in case anyone doesn’t know, is part of the Anheuser-Busch set-up. I’m not their biggest fan, but this stuff has got to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. For fox-sake, Ultra makes their flagship beer, Budweiser, seem like the pinnacle of brewing craftsmanship. If that doesn’t tell you how bad this garbage is, then nothing will.
I drank a second bottle of this just to ensure that the first one wasn’t a freak. The other two bottles were poured down the drain – the only place this ‘beer’ is fit for.